Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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