Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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