the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Someone came in the potted fern
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
