I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
