I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
