After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
