Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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