Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
