I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
