he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
