I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
