i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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