If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
