i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
