jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
