OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
