I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
