my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
