ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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