p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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