Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
