nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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