Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
