You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
