your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
