Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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