Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
