BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The dick lei will go down in squad history
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
