yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
