My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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