Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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