capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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