Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
