So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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