Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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