You're so nebulous sometimes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
