don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
