she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
