remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
