ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize