There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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