why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
