So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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