I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
