Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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