if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
