That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
