he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
