he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
