she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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