P.S. I can't hear my feet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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