No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
