No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
