He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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