Your dad touched me again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pants are for mortals
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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