So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
