whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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