white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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