So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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