Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I love you.
Bad choice
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