Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
