Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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