I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
