he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
