Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
