I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
