I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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