worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
