just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
