Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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