so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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