Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
