Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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