Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
