i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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