My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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