my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
