I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
