do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
