i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
