my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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