I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
