Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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