She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The struggles of a small town man whore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
