Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
