my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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