That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
