I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
