And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
