somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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