Ambien. No doubt about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
