I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
