It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
