I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
