i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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