Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
