i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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