Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
