I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
