I love how my cats smell like pot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
