Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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