I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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