i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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