4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
