I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You took a bar mat shot.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
