Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i think i just lost a toe
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
