So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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