I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
