i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
