Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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