Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize