he shaved USA in his pubs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
