id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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