you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
