mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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