She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
