Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
