Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
