i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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